one foot in front of the other

My ability to accurately judge the passage of time is quickly flying out the window. This can be a good thing, like when I glanced at the calendar last night and was astonished that Daniel's already been gone for nearly a month...it seems like he just left yesterday. This can also be a bad thing, like when I logged in to my CourseCompass account this afternoon to submit an assignment for my math class, and discovered that today is, in fact, Thursday, and the assignment was actually due by midnight last night. Oops. This is also why I've gotten bad about updating this damn thing..."I'll write something tomorrow" turns into the next day and then the next, and suddenly I guiltily realize that it's been quite a few more "tomorrows" than I care to admit.

I also have been in kind of a funk lately, with everything that's going on, and don't really feel like churning out whiny rants every couple of days. I mean, I'd like you to enjoy reading this blog, instead of groaning inwardly every time you see a new post.

So let me get you all up to speed on everything that's been going on in good ol' San Diego since we chatted last...

Oh, the command Family Readiness Group hosted a Thanksgiving potluck last Sunday at our ombudsman's house. Awilda deserves to be awarded some sort of commendation for having dozens of wives armed with bottles of wine swarming through her house for hours! It was so much fun, though...everybody had a really great time. Everybody has such incredibly busy lives, between work or school or children, and I relish the rare opportunities we are given to get together in one big group. And it's so nice to touch base with the other wives in person: to touch Holly's pregnant belly, to see Lisa's cute new haircut, to give old friends warm hugs. I talked to Cynthia, the new XO's wife, for quite a while, and she seems to be a genuinely nice person. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better! A representative from the command attended the potluck with a video camera, and all of us took turns stepping outside to record video messages to send to our husbands. While Daniel and I are lucky enough to be able to talk on the phone fairly regularly, I think he'll enjoy watching my silly recording on his laptop. Rumor has it that the guys in the desert either have the same video capabilities, or they will be getting them shortly, so here's hoping I get my own silly video from Daniel.

I can't believe that the holidays are upon us already...like I said earlier, I just can't comprehend how fast time is really going by! Daisy and I are taking a road trip up to Oakdale next Tuesday, where we'll spend Thanksgiving surrounded by family and friends before returning to San Diego on Sunday. Once I get back to school, I'll have only a week and a half until final exams start...this semester can't possibly be over already, can it? I'm so glad that time is moving along so quickly, though...I'm ready for June to hurry up and get here!

apologies...

Some things came up this evening, and I'm now WAY behind on studying for tomorrow's math test. Let me just make it through that, and then I'll update tomorrow. I promise. Thanks for understanding!

this post is brought to you by the letter aaaaaaargh

Can you believe it's November already? Time flies when you're having fun...which, of course, is all I ever do. Or, you know, something like that.

So we've all made it through the first week...and, wow, I don't think this week could have gone by any slower. I really hope time starts speeding up again soon, because I'm not thrilled at the thought of going through so many more months of this. Sigh.

I'm feeling kind of sorry for myself tonight. I'll snap out of it, I promise, but I figure I've earned the right to be cranky for a little while. I really miss my husband. I mean, I know that, in the overall scheme of things, this deployment really isn't that long...but I also know that, as I'm actually going through it, each day seems longer than the day before it. No matter how many deployments we do, I can't imagine them ever being "easy." I'm just working on the whole "one day at a time" thing. Adapt and overcome, right? Right.

I'm keeping busy with school...the student loan fiasco is turning into a full time job, on top of the 18 credits I'm taking this semester. When I accepted USD's offer of admission, I based my acceptance on the terrific financial aid package they offered. USD is an outrageously expensive, prestigious, private Catholic school, and we never could have afforded it on our own. My combination of scholarships, grants, and federal loans covered all but $900 of the annual tuition, which we easily could pay out of pocket over the course of the year. All was fine...until I actually started classes. Then, they started asking for all sorts of additional "verification" paperwork...I'd submit one piece, and they'd decide they needed two more, and so on. After I finally finished submitting the piles of forms they requested, they dropped a bombshell: we just make "too much money" and they were retracting most of my offered aid. Now, I don't know about you, but when you think of military paychecks, you don't exactly think of heaps of cash. In fact, the reason that there are countless aid socities providing financial support to military personnel and their families is because we really aren't paid very much. USD doesn't care, though, and has changed our "expected contribution" from $900 to over $12,000. Yes, that would be out-of-pocket expenses. I am so butthurt. I guess I'll just have to stop blowing my lavish piles of money on frivolous things, like gas for my economy car and store-brand food from the commissary, and funnel it towards my silly little Catholic education. Argh.

On a brighter note, my favorite uncle is on a business trip in southern California this week. He drove out to San Diego today, and took me out for lunch at Oggi's, one of our favorite pizza-and-beer joints. They brew the best IPA, and make great pizza. Plus, since it was a Sunday afternoon, we kept an eye on all the football games. It was just what I needed: a nice distraction from today's pity party.

Okay, well, I'll stop whining now. Thanks for putting up with me. :)

one...two...three years

If you want to be all technical about it, we technically got married three years ago yesterday, due to Guam's position on the far side of the International Date Line. Regardless, today is the second of three anniversaries that Daniel's missed.

It's kind of weird to sit and reflect on my husband and our marriage and all that, while he's halfway around the world. We actually talked briefly this morning, and neither of us even remembered that it was one of those *special* days...I forgot entirely until about an hour after we hung up. He did send me three dozen roses yesterday, and they're in vases all over the house. I guess he gets brownie points for that. ;)

Today was kinda rough...I'm not sure why. I didn't sleep well at all last night, so being really tired all day probably had something to do with it. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. I pointedly didn't take a nap today, so maybe that'll help. But anyway, I got home from school at about 1300, and just wandered aimlessly around the house. I couldn't concentrate on anything...it took me almost three hours to finish 16 math problems, because I kept wandering away from the computer. I didn't even really get anything accomplished while I was puttering! I mean, I finally finished the homework, and I started a load of laundry, and that was about it. Oh, and I raked the backyard. Oh, and I made a pretty yellow ribbon to tie around the column on our front porch. See? Okay, I guess I got something done!

Oh, I talked to my amazing mother-in-law this afternoon...seriously, I have the best MIL around and don't know what I'd do without her. ;) Anyway, we were talking about stuff to mail out there, and it reminded me...Daniel's team is going to be stuck at a teeny-tiny little COB in the middle of the desert, alllllll winter. While we all get to sit home in our heated houses eating turkey and other holiday goodies, these poor guys get two meals a day, plus MREs. If you've ever eaten an MRE, you know that they, well, aren't exactly "good eats." If anybody wants to mail out a care package, non-perishable food would be really appreciated. It should take about three weeks for mail from the US to reach his camp, so keep that in mind. Opening a box full of moldy brownies probably won't do a whole lot for their morale. Other than that, I don't think they're picky. If you aren't sure what to send, let me know...I'd love to share ideas. Or if you've got ideas for care packages, feel free to leave a comment. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

it's that time already...

Daniel's gone. Wheels went up at 1644, and off he went into the wild blue yonder.

After thirteen months and some-odd days, you'd think I'd be ready for him to head back out the door. I mean, that's the kind of thing military wives joke about...and in this community, such a long gap between deployments is almost unheard of. And we knew that this third deployment was coming. Seriously, we've had rough dates since early spring. It wasn't like it was a big surprise, or anything.

But, man...waking up this morning and realizing that today was the day really sucked. No matter how many times he heads out on a new mission, no matter how many times I bravely wave good bye, no matter how many times I walk into my suddenly-empty house...it never gets any easier. It just doesn't. I mean, on one hand, it's nice knowing what to expect on each successive deployment. I know how hard the first few weeks will be, but I also know that it will get easier, as time progresses and I settle back into a routine. But, on the other hand, sending your husband off to war is the most heart-wrenching thing any woman can do. I mean, I married him for a reason. I like being with him...not being alone for months and months while he's being shot at in far off places. I don't know...call me crazy, but I don't think that will ever be "easy."

Today's departure, though, was the easiest departure we've ever done. Every other deployment or operation or training evolution or whatever he's been sent away on has started the same way: I drop him off curbside at a civilian airport. I help him pull his civilian luggage out of the back of the Xterra, kiss him quickly, and watch him head into the terminal like every other Joe Six Pack (thanks, Sarah Palin) heading off on a business trip...except that my husband isn't going to a weekend conference in Bumfuck, Idaho. I didn't realize that sending him off all by his onsie was what made it so hard..until today. Daniel actually left with a TEAM today. There were a couple dozen guys leaving with him, and most of them have wives or girlfriends. All of us girls sat in the unit space this morning, cracking jokes about how many sailors it takes to secure a cargo net to a pallet of gear (no fewer than thirty seven, if you're interested) and swapping deployment stories. It was the first time I've ever been "un-alone" on a departure day, and it was the most comforting feeling. Once they finished prepping all the pallets for transit, we all convoyed over to the air station...and again, I wasn't alone. I was astonished at what a difference it made. When they were bussed out onto the tarmac to board their flight, I gave him that last quick kiss and waved good bye...but then, instead of bursting into tears and driving straight home, I turned around and found myself surrounded by other Navy wives who were going through the exact same thing I was. I wasn't alone. For the first time, I didn't have to do it by myself. It was amazing.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not happy that he's gone. This wasn't an "easy" departure, by any means...but it was easier than any other departure we've done. And that gives me high hopes that this deployment might be easier than any of the others. I know it won't be easy, but I'm just working on taking things as they come, day by day...and hopefully, remembering that I'm not alone will make each day better than the day before it.

Do me a favor, though...as you're reading this and thinking about how strong and brave and generally amazing I am (cough, cough), please take a minute to remember how truly strong and brave and seriously amazing my husband and his teammates are. No matter what you think about this war or this presidency or any of that, please remember that the men and women over there are simply following orders, and bravely leaving their homes and families to fight for something so much bigger than any of them. I, for one, am so proud to be my husband's Navy wife, and I am so grateful for all the sacrifices he is making for all of us.

I'm having one of those days where I have a lot on my mind, but everything is kind of jumbled together and I can't figure out how to spit it all out coherently.

We moved back into military housing in April, after seven-or-so months of living in a civilian condo complex. I love it--we lucked out and landed a really nice house on a super-friendly street. The girl next door, E, is amazing and sweet and funny, and she's got the two CUTEST little preschool girls I've ever seen. Daisy thinks E is her second mommy, and is endlessly patient with the girls.



E's husband, C, is deployed, and she's running a little ragged with the girls and never-ending housework. E and C have been married for seven years, but the last couple of years have been pretty strained. I mean, it sounds like things are definitely starting to look up now, but for a while there last year, things were really bad. E's friend, J, just decided to send her kids to spend the summer with grandma, because her marriage has gotten to the point where she needs to focus entirely on fixing it, instead of worrying about her two small children. A, who lives in the house next to E, filed for divorce only to have her husband immediately leave on a deployment, leaving him conveniently unreachable.

I don't know what to think. I mean, military divorces aren't exactly unheard of. It's really hard being married to someone in the military. Yes, military brides kind of have an idea of what they're getting into before they walk down the aisle. But somewhere, in month six of what should have been only a two-month exercise in some country you're not allowed to be made aware of, patience and understanding and lovin' feelings fly out the window...not that I'm still bitter, or anything like that.

going and going and going..

It was brought to my attention that I haven't updated this thing in a while, so Paul, this one's for you. By the way...Blogger doesn't let me see how many hits I get, but I've activated the comment feature: If you leave me comments, I'll know you're following along! ;)

Daniel went back to China Lake this morning. I've got mixed feelings about this exercise: on one hand, it's nice having him home every weekend...but man, it sucks saying "goodbye" every single weekend. And the poor dog gets SO unhappy when he leaves again, and I don't know how to make her understand that he really is coming back home. I'm just relieved that this is his last week away from home, and then I'll have him all to myself for at least a month!

Everything here has been so incredibly busy lately...I can't believe how fast time is flying by. I had the bright idea to cram ten credits of Spanish into ten weeks of summer school, and it's completely kicking my ass. I mean, I'm understanding everything in the class and doing well on all my tests, but the sheer amount of work is just mind-boggling. I mean, seriously, I don't think I've ever had this much homework, even when I'm taking five or six classes in a full semester. I guess all the repetition is good for me, but still...I'm only two weeks in, and am already anxious for this to be over with.

Let's see. Oh, everything is going remarkably well with the Cobalt. We totally love USAA and the dealership that we bought our car from...I'm seriously so surprised how smoothly everything is going! It actually looks like we should have our little car back this week, good as new. I am so stoked. Speaking of cars, we've finally decided to sell the Xterra this fall, before Daniel goes back overseas. It's a great car and we'll really miss it, but we just can't justify keeping it with gas prices staying so high. I think we're going to replace it with a Saturn Vue hybrid...I'll keep you updated.

I think that's really about it...at the moment, my life revolves around that damn Spanish class. Oh, and Army Wives...but that's a whole 'nother story.